Many people use the words “nice” and “kind” interchangeably, but there are significant differences between the two. While both nice and kind involve positive qualities, they have different meanings and implications. Women especially have been hit with the illness of being “nice.” There is literally a documentary called “Keep Sweet: Pray and Obey,” on Netflix about a cult that used the phrase “keep sweet” as their catchphrase. As a southern woman, that has definitely been bred into me during my upbringing and I couldn’t grasp the harm it was doing in my life until early 2022. The job I was working quickly turned inappropriate and I was stunned by the consistency of absolute disregard for my boundaries, safety, and bodily autonomy. This is when I realized there was a huge difference between being “nice” and being “kind.”

Being nice is when you are polite to people and treat people well. Being kind is when you care about people and show you care. Sometimes you can be kind to someone even though you aren’t nice to them and you can certainly be nice to someone but also be unkind.

Owen Fitzpatrick

Being nice is typically associated with being polite, agreeable, and pleasant. It often involves behaving in a way that is socially acceptable and avoiding conflict or offense. For example, a person might be nice by smiling, saying please and thank you, or complimenting someone’s appearance. While being nice is generally a good thing, it can sometimes be superficial and insincere. A person who is only nice may be more concerned with how they appear to others than with actually helping or caring for them.

Being kind, on the other hand, goes beyond mere politeness and pleasantness. Kindness involves a genuine concern for others and a desire to help them. It often involves acts of generosity, compassion, and empathy. A person who is kind may take the time to listen to someone who is struggling, offer to help with a task, or offer emotional support. While kindness may not always be easy or comfortable, it is rooted in a deeper sense of caring and empathy for others.

Being kind requires that we look at others and consider them properly. It requires that we let ourselves see ourselves in them and connect with them. It requires that we help them in some way to have a better life.

Owen Fitzpatrick

Another important difference between being nice and being kind is that kindness often requires more effort and sacrifice than niceness. For example, it may be easy to say something nice to a coworker, but it may take more effort to offer to help them with a difficult project. Similarly, it may be easy to be polite to someone in passing, but it may take more effort to listen to them when they are going through a difficult time.

When it comes to being uncomfortable, choose being kind. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself is not be nice. Honor your boundaries and space.

“You have to be cruel to be kind.” Maybe occassionally this is true. One thing that is certainly true is that sometimes not being nice is the kindest thing we can do for someone.

Owen Fitzpatrick

It is important to be kind but not always be nice because kindness is rooted in empathy, caring, and genuine concern for others, while niceness can sometimes be superficial and insincere. Niceness often involves behaving in a way that is socially acceptable or avoiding conflict or offense, but it may not necessarily involve true concern for others.

On the other hand, kindness involves going beyond mere politeness and pleasantness to actively help and support others. It may require more effort and sacrifice, but it is ultimately more meaningful and impactful. Kindness involves seeing others as valuable and deserving of care, and working to create positive change in their lives.

It is also important to note that being nice all the time can actually be detrimental to oneself and others. For example, if someone is always nice and agrees with everything others say, they may not be honest or true to themselves. Additionally, being overly nice can sometimes enable bad behavior or create false expectations.

In contrast, being kind involves setting healthy boundaries and making difficult decisions when necessary, such as saying “no” to someone who is asking for something that is not in their best interest. Being kind involves being authentic, compassionate, and committed to helping others in the most meaningful way possible.

In summary, being nice and being kind are both positive qualities, but they are not the same thing. Being nice often involves politeness and pleasantness, while kindness involves a genuine concern for others and a desire to help them. Kindness may require more effort and sacrifice than niceness, but it is rooted in a deeper sense of caring and empathy. Ultimately, both niceness and kindness can contribute to creating a more compassionate and supportive community, but it is important to recognize the differences between them and strive for genuine kindness whenever possible. Being kind is more important than being nice because it involves true empathy, caring, and concern for others. While niceness can be positive, it is not always genuine, and being overly nice can sometimes be harmful. Therefore, it is important to strive for kindness and authenticity in our interactions with others.

I am not always as kind as I would like to be but I am committing to being more kind, more often. I won’t always be nice, but if I am kind then that will make far more of a difference.

Owen Fitzpatrick