Over the years, one piece of advice has rung true over and over. You only regret the risks you didn’t take. In my twenties, I didn’t have many regrets in high school. I took chances over and over on my education, my style, my love life, my career, my friends, and my abilities. Once I got into college, I set myself up in my twenties to be a bit more careful. I had so much riding on my successful completion of tasks and keeping my head on my shoulders. I still took risks but more calculated. By the time I moved to California, I was a bit lost on what was truly best for me. I’d been living for so many others for so long that taking risks for myself was a leap. I still did but they weren’t executed the way I’d hoped. Now that I’m in my thirties, I look at my twenties full of regret. I don’t blame my younger self because she was only doing her best. However, knowing what I know now, I have challenged myself in my thirties to take more risks. To embrace that same sense of self I had in high school where I genuinely just didn’t care what others thought. I was so on my high horse that being me was the highlight of everyday. That is the energy I walk with currently.

Since I turned 30, I have had no problem sticking up for myself which was really tough for me in my twenties. I have realized that the expectations and judgements I had for myself at my age were worth nothing. It is totally fine for me to be 31, unmarried, single, and still figuring life out. I’m not perfect and I predict that is where I initially went wrong. By expecting some freakish level of perfectionism when I was always different, I was selling myself short. I’m loud. I’m quirky. I’m funny, smart, and find joy in off-trend ways of life. I don’t want to Keep Up with the Jones’, I want to be the Jones.

Regret is a powerful emotion that can haunt us for years, if not a lifetime. It’s natural to feel a sense of disappointment or remorse when we make mistakes or fail to take advantage of opportunities. But what about the risks we don’t take? These missed opportunities can also lead to regret, and they can be just as painful.

Many people have experienced this feeling of regretting the risks they didn’t take. Maybe you had an idea for a business or a project, but you were too afraid to pursue it. Perhaps you wanted to ask someone out on a date, but you never worked up the courage. Whatever the situation, when we don’t take risks, we often wonder what might have been.

There are many reasons why we might avoid taking risks. Fear of failure is a common one. We may worry that we’ll make a mistake, embarrass ourselves, or even harm ourselves or others. We might also fear rejection or disappointment, which can be difficult to handle. But the truth is that taking risks is a necessary part of life. Without risk, we cannot grow, learn, or achieve our goals. In fact, many successful people credit their success to taking risks and stepping out of their comfort zones.

When we don’t take risks, we miss out on opportunities to learn, grow, and succeed. We also miss out on the chance to connect with others and to make a difference in the world. We may even regret the risks we didn’t take more than the risks we did take, because we’ll never know what could have been.

The part of me that took the biggest hit in consequences from not taking risks was my love life. I felt my family put pressure on me to marry early so I wanted to be a wife when in reality God had to show me so many different things before I truly understood what type of wife I wanted to even be. Had I married when I was younger, I would be miserable. A miserable wife, a miserable mother, and a miserable human. Just like many people I knew. I needed to grow, change, and develop into the woman I am today because the woman I am today is sure of herself. She knows who she is.

In love, I have followed many unspoken rules. Rules that I made up or that I’ve overheard in my culture, at school, with friends, or in movies. Rules that in retrospect, don’t matter. When it comes to love, there should be no rules. Love is boundless and placing rules on it is one of the fastest ways to live a life full of regrets. I waited too long to tell people I didn’t want them. I waited to tell people I was falling in love. I waited too long to apologize. I waited too long to get an apology that was never coming. I lived by someone else’s rules instead of trusting my heart, mind, and gut. So, once again, in my thirties, I’ve been loud about how I feel. Proud to say I love you, to say “it’s over,” to say “I miss you,” to fall hopelessly in love however it comes. I want to be bold in my life. I mean, isn’t that what the thirties are all about.

I am a little late to the party but I just binge watched all five seasons of Insecure. I am so sore that I was late to this train because this show was so incredibly well-written, accurate, and had some of the best sex scenes I’d seen in years on a tv show. It is part of what sparked this blog post. As I watched, I realized the rules I had set for myself were no longer serving me. I literally don’t hang out with a single one of the friends that built many of these rules I live by in my life. So why was I hanging on to them? Why was I limiting myself? I have guys that I’ve been terrified to say, “You’re not even close to being my type. Why would I ever give someone like you a chance?” But I can’t even say it because I’m protecting their feelings while they completely annihilate my own. Being “nice” hasn’t served me in years. You can be kind but you do not have to be nice. But with women dying because they turn down men, it’s also not the easiest task for a scorned survivor of men’s evil discretions to say “no.” There are also men I have had a crush on that I get so in my head over them, that I never say a thing. Well, today, I am breaking these rules. The worst thing that could happen is I lose people that no longer serve me, or I get a no. Best case scenario, I gain a friend, I find the love of my life, I go on an amazing date, I get a breath-taking kiss, or I win. I could win this game of life with someone amazing.

So how can we overcome our fear of taking risks? One way is to start small. Instead of diving headfirst into a new business or relationship, try taking baby steps. Start by talking to people in the industry or socializing with people who share your interests. Build up your confidence and skills before taking bigger risks.

Another way to overcome fear is to remind yourself of the potential rewards. Imagine how you’ll feel if you succeed, and how your life will be different. Envision the possibilities and let that motivate you to take action. Before I wrote this, I already made a leap of faith. Zero expectations because God works in mysterious ways. I don’t know why I was moved to make a choice today–or a “risk”–but I did. It’s good to practice taking small risks daily.

I took a risk creating this website, this blog, the correlating podcast, moving to California, auditioning, and just waking up everyday. Life is all about risks and I just want to take the risks that make me feel like I’ve lived my life to the fullest. No regrets. No take backs. I’m all in. I want the best out of life and I am open to receiving whatever the best is. In the end, it’s important to remember that taking risks is a necessary part of life. We may not always succeed, but we’ll never know unless we try. Don’t let the fear of regret hold you back from pursuing your dreams and goals. Take the leap, and see where it takes you.