Creating healthy boundaries is an essential part of maintaining our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Boundaries help us to define our limits, communicate our needs, and establish healthy relationships with others.

I find myself constantly setting and re-setting boundaries as situations grow and change. At first, this made me feel like my life was unstable because I didn’t feel like I was setting enough boundaries with people from the get go. What I’ve learned is that your boundaries depend on you. I have a very open heart and until found guilty, I give everyone an equal opportunity to be in my life at the closest level. Yet, as you get to know more people, you understand that boundaries have to be in a constant state of change. You must get comfortable with building, taking down, and keeping up different boundaries.

My last therapist gave me wonderful advice on boundary setting and I have used her formula ever since. Boundaries don’t all have to be a giant titanium wall. Depending on what the person has done, perhaps your first boundary will be a sponge. It’s not tough, they can still get through to you because of it’s malleability, but it’s still up. Next comes a wooden fence. Lots of space between the logs, they can see you and you can see them, but it’s a bit more sturdy. Next trust level broken, you might consider putting up a metal chainlink fence. More secure, still penetrable but a little safer than before. After this, if you’re still giving chances–perhaps to a family member or someone that is super close that you just don’t see yourself letting go–you will work on putting up boundaries like a brick wall, then titanium wall, then a full ocean with gates at either end. I know it sounds excessive, but coming from different forms of abuse, it has been extremely helpful for me to know that I don’t have to cut people off because I’m triggered but that I can also protect myself in a visual-to-mental way that makes me feel comfortable. Lastly, set a timer on this person who may be toxic in your life. Make a promise to yourself that in 1 month, 6 months, or 1 year, if they continue, you will not keep them around. This helps you keep integrity within yourself.

Of course, if someone is persistently ignoring those boundaries, my personal advice is they do not care about you enough to respect you and in that case, they must go. No one is worth losing your mental health over. Be your own protector.

I understand setting and maintaining boundaries can be a challenging task. Let’s explore some more practical tips for creating healthy boundaries.

1. Know your values and priorities: To create healthy boundaries, it is essential to know what is important to you. Think about your values, beliefs, and priorities. What do you need in your life to feel happy and fulfilled? Knowing your values and priorities will help you to set boundaries that align with your needs and goals.
2. Be clear and specific: When setting boundaries, it is important to be clear and specific about what you want and need. Use “I” statements to express your needs and feelings. For example, “I need some time alone right now,” or “I feel uncomfortable when you speak to me in that way.”
3. Practice saying no: Saying “no” can be difficult for many people, especially if you are used to putting other people’s needs before your own. However, learning to say “no” is essential for creating healthy boundaries. Start by saying “no” to small requests, and gradually work your way up to more significant requests.
4. Set consequences: When setting boundaries, it is important to set consequences for when those boundaries are violated. This could be as simple as walking away from a conversation or refusing to engage in a behavior that makes you uncomfortable. Setting consequences helps to reinforce your boundaries and lets others know that you are serious about them.
5. Be consistent: Consistency is key when it comes to creating healthy boundaries. If you are not consistent in enforcing your boundaries, others may not take them seriously. Be firm but respectful when enforcing your boundaries, and don’t be afraid to restate them if necessary.
6. Seek support: Creating healthy boundaries can be challenging, especially if you are not used to doing so. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist who can help you to navigate the process and provide you with emotional support.

In conclusion, creating healthy boundaries is essential for maintaining our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. By knowing our values and priorities, being clear and specific, practicing saying no, setting consequences, being consistent, and seeking support, we can establish healthy relationships with others while still prioritizing our own needs and goals.